joiedecombat: (:C)
I'm having one of those days in which everything I do just seems so uninspired. I re-read things I've written and suddenly they all seem so terribly flat and shallow, and the upward slope from what I'm capable of to what I want to be capable of starts looking less and less like a slope and more and more like a wall.

Discouraged.

Days like these that one xkcd comic hits way too close to home. "The thing standing in the way of your dreams is that the person having them is you."

It'll pass soon, I hope. Not sure what to do with myself in the meantime.
joiedecombat: (augh)
I think I need to make a vet appointment for Sammy.

He's been losing weight for a while. I wasn't concerned at first because I figured he was just showing his age - he's at least seventeen or eighteen years old. He still had energy and his coat was healthy and sleek; I phased him into canned food thinking it might be a little easier for him, but he didn't seem to be in any discomfort so that was all I did.

But he's kept on losing weight, and now he's way too thin. The past couple weeks or so he's started to seem uncomfortable, and I think he's constipated.

I think he needs to see a vet. But considering his age, I'm worried about what the result is going to be. :c
joiedecombat: (:C)
Pet peeve: discovering that a word I've been using doesn't mean what I thought it meant. It makes me unreasonably sad. Especially when I can't think of any other words that mean exactly the same thing.

First "touchstone," now "diffident." Dammit. :C

Edit to add: I have at least figured out that my wrong reading of "diffident" is probably the result of conflating it with "indifferent," but that still doesn't quite mean what I was using "diffident" to mean.
joiedecombat: (can't sleep)
In retrospect, finishing the first season of Saiunkoku Monogatari tonight was a bad idea.

Unintended season finale suckerpunch GO )

woe

Jan. 25th, 2008 06:54 am
joiedecombat: (emo)
Car: still in shop. Probably will be fixed sometime this morning.

I: have an 8 am appointment in court for a traffic ticket. And no other transportation.

So I get to walk.

And since I foolishly scheduled myself a half day at work rather than taking the whole day off, unless the unforseen happens and my car is not ready in time, then I have to go in to work.

Today sucks.

Edit: Oh, wait, the appointment was at 9 am. Which means I got up at 6:30 for no real reason!

Bride of Edit: Left at 8 am, walked a mile and a half - partway in the rain, whee - signed in, waited an hour for my name to be called, wrote a check, walked a mile and a half home. No messages about my car yet. Starting to get feeling back into my ears. The fine came to $150.50, not as bad as I feared.

Son of Edit: I have my car back, and am out about another $915. And now I get to go to work! Although I shouldn't really complain about that since I haven't worked a full day yet this week.

car woes

Jan. 23rd, 2008 07:15 pm
joiedecombat: (oh noes!)
Today makes the second time I have gone to lunch only to find that my car would not start and I would have to ride home in a tow truck.

I am not liking making a habit of this. :(
joiedecombat: (Default)
I hate the world.

Not sure why.
joiedecombat: (Aya: Bang)
Y'all, I am feeling about a divorce away from a hit country single.
joiedecombat: (Dyrk Magz - I Need An Adult)
Guess that Friend
You have a total of 52 friends
You requested to guess 52 entries.
3 were skipped due to invalid content (surprising?).
You made 49 guesses.
You got 49 correct.
Doing the math for you, that means you got 100% correct.

Win.

Damn, I do not want to go to work today. There's a whole situation waiting for me when I get there and I am not looking forward to it. Hopefully it didn't escalate much further over the weekend. Hopefully with a manager's help I can put it to bed quickly.

Meh.
joiedecombat: (Default)
Agh. Wangst.

Feeling awfully isolated recently. And not really sure what to do about it.

Maybe just hormones. Or something. I dunno.

Aaaaangst.

Aug. 6th, 2005 11:53 pm
joiedecombat: (Aya: Bang)
I cleaned my kitchen and my desk. I wrote stuff. I took out the trash.

So why do I feel like I didn't accomplish a damn thing?

Call the waaaaahmbulance.
joiedecombat: (Default)
That talk that Frank wanted to have with me about the telephones turned out to involve a distressing pile of complaints he's apparently received about me. The ones that have particularly stuck in my mind are "Please don't make me talk to Abby again" and "sounds like a computer."

So, I suck and people hate me. Go me.

I know that this is not a job to which I am well-suited. I know that I am not a sparkling people person. I know, and some people on my frindslist can probably agree, that I am not really adept at talking on the phone.

But damn it, it's not like I'm not trying. I smile. I ask people how they're doing. If they call in to report an accident I ask if everyone's okay. I say please and thank you and you're welcome and I wish people a good day.

If it upsets people that I ask "who can I tell him is calling?" before I transfer them over to Frank - because he told me to because he likes to be able to greet them by name when he picks up - how is that my fault?

If I offend people this much when I'm trying to be as friendly and polite as I know how...

...ehn. I don't know. Crappy mood today. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow.
joiedecombat: (Default)
Twice today, I have attempted to put someone on hold and wound up hanging up
on them instead.

I suck!

Mmf.
joiedecombat: (Default)
It appears that my time is officially up.

Called my brother today to let him know I was planning to drive back down tomorrow. He pointed out that it's not very realistic - especially given the three months I've already spent there with no results to show for it - to assume that I'd be able to find a job and get enough of an income to be in my own apartment by March, which is when he and his fiancee are getting married and aren't going to want me around any more.

In other words, don't bother.

I'm not out of options yet. The JET program is still in the works. I could go to grad school, assuming Dad's willing to pay for Yet More Education. I could go stay with my father for a while and try my luck in the Land of the Yuppies.

What gets me is that I liked Destin. I really wanted to live there. But this pretty much nixes that idea.

Dammit.
joiedecombat: (Default)
Rough night.

My brother went to a party, and with his fiancee at work, I took the opportunity to get online.

This turned out to be a bad idea, because around 12:30 my brother got home, staggering drunk and pissed as hell that he hadn't been able to get through on the phone and get someone to come get him, and therefore had to get a ride instead.

He ranted for a full hour - first at his fiancee about how he'd tried to call and he'd gotten the bartender to give him quarters and he'd gotten her a free pass to the afterparty 'cause he thought she might want to go. Then at me when he realized I was upset. By that point I think his anger was cooling, or at least he was forgetting about it, because the point of his ranting at me wavered between trying to get me to speak my mind and talking about my current situation.

Nothing was really resolved - he was so drunk that I'm not sure he'll remember any of it anyhow - but some of the things that have been frustrating me lately got aired, and I'm not mad at him or anything. Mostly just drained.

Not happy with my situation, though. I'm here on my brother's good graces, and I'm trying not to wear out my welcome any quicker than I can help. If I can get a job, even if it's as a cash register jockey, then I can start saving money to get my own place, and build up experience for a better job. But in the three months I've been here, I've only gotten one callback. And I missed that one by going home for Thanksgiving.

They get married in March. I don't know what will happen if I still don't have a job by then - although at least by March I'll probably know if I'm going to Japan or not.

And amidst his ranting tonight, my brother told me that my mother has said I can't move back in with her unless I have a job or am willing to go to graduate school. Which I can't afford.

Not that I'm excluding grad school as an option, but the BA it was so important for me to get has done fuck-all for my hirability, judging by the volume of applications I've put out in the past three months with only one callback.

I don't have enough experience to be a desirable employee. But I can't get experience if no one will hire me. So I'm screwed.

And it doesn't help that everyone keeps talking like I could follow my brother's example and join the military. No. I am not yet desperate enough to consider that a viable option.

But I'm running out of ideas.
joiedecombat: (Default)
So long, Lucas. )
joiedecombat: (Default)
So I got an email from the folks at the Island Packet. Pretty much a "thanks very much, please drive through;" I'm guessing they're wanting someone with more experience. Or something.

Anyhow, so much for that idea.

The good news is that this means I have an excuse to push my familial visit back a bit more, rather than going this weekend. Less pressure.

So, back to the drawing board.

Blegh.

May. 23rd, 2003 10:14 pm
joiedecombat: (Default)
Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I'm going out back to the garden to eat some worms.

There. I just had to get that out of my system.

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