(no subject)

[joiedecombat]

So, this Captain Awkward article (warning: potentially triggery stuff) has been making the rounds of the internet lately, but I'm going to spread it a little farther because I think it's something pretty much everyone should know - this and John Scalzi's advice on how to avoid being perceived as creepy, not just for the advice itself but for how educational the reader comments to it are as well.

'Cause there's an awful lot of "respecting other people's boundaries won't get me laid" and "but they mean well and it's not fair to hurt their feelings because you felt unsafe" and "it's your responsibility to keep yourself safe because you can't reasonably expect other people to not assault you if you make yourself vulnerable in any way" in there.

I mean, I've been lucky enough to avoid being subjected to the kinds of overt behavior described in the letters in the first article - but pretty much every woman in my local friend-group either has been or personally knows someone else who has. This is a thing. It happens all the damn time.

Comments

[qara-isuke.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that just......yeah. Unfortunately, women are culturally given the message that we're supposed to be polite and "nice". We're supposed to worry about hurting someone's feelings, and do our best to not refuse someone or say "no".......and taught to feel guilty when we do have to refuse someone something. And unfortunately, there continues to be this cultural idea that a woman is both completely responsible for her own safety and not supposed to call negative attention to men or make them feel bad.

I've been treated like I was in the wrong (by female friends!) for being uncomfortable with a male acquaintances' behavior. Yes, I understood that he was their friend......but at the same time, no one should have to explain or justify (or feel bad) for being bothered by an invasion of their personal space or unwanted actions.

It can be pretty bad in the world of cosplay, as well. While I've never worn anything particularly revealing, there seems to be a sort of attitude that it is acceptable to talk about a female cosplayer's breasts or otherwise kind of invade her personal space because HEY you're my favorite character! o/~ I've had to dodge creepers in the past at conventions, since for better or worse fandom does attract people who feel socially awkward.