A Minor Variation

Dear customer,

Please do not use the phrase "do the right thing" when what you mean is "do what I want." They are not synonymous, except in your head.

Thanks so,
joiedecombat

I do not care whether it says on the paper that there's an expiration date or not, common sense should indicate that after fourteen years, your gift certificates might not be valid any more, and that perhaps you should suck it up and use the next one in a more timely fashion instead of throwing a fit of entitlement.

Just sayin'.

"May I place you on hold to transfer your call?" is not a rhetorical question.

The clue to that was that I asked three times.

Funny the things that'll send your mood spiraling into the toilet.

God, I hate people who get overly literal about polite pleasantries. Yes, yes, too bad I couldn't wave my magic wand and make a gift card magically appear in your hand, but I did offer to connect you to the store where you made your purchases so that they could correct whatever error was made and get your gift card to you. You declined. When I ask if there is anything else I can help you with, therefore, the correct answer is not to reply in a syrupy, patronising voice, "Did you help me with anything?"

Once again I'm left wondering why people seem to believe it's perfectly okay to say crap like that. I could hear "ha ha I have the moral high ground" oozing out of her voice.

I hate the world.

Not sure why.

Two questions for the day:

1) WTF is with today and people who are fundamentally incapable of grasping the concept of a monthly billing cycle? If you get a statement in the beginning of April that shows an amount due even though you thought you paid your account in full at the end of March, the time to ask "hey, what's with this remaining amount" is not a week after that statement's due date. And if you are dumb enough to wait until after your statement showed the amount was due to ask about it, you should not be surprised when we tell you that no, we cannot simply roll that amount due onto your next due date so that you will not be considered past due or receive any late fees or interest charges. People like this make me regret being able to waive late fees and interest charges.

Similarly, if you receive a statement in March showing that you have an amount due in April, and you do not make a payment, and then you receive another statement showing a) no payment received and b) a new payment due with a new due date, that does not mean that the previous amount is not now past due and that you should not receive a late fee so long as you make your payment by the new due date. This is not how it works.

RAARGH.

2) On a lesser note, who told the Gundam SEED fandom that "what if Murrue was pregnant before Jachin Due?" was a good and interesting plotline? Stop it.

That is all.

When you know that the exit onto the smoker's patio is equipped with an ear-piercing alarm which goes off if the door is opened without an ID being scanned, or if the door stays open too long, FOR GOD'S SAKE CLOSE THE DOOR BEFORE WE ALL GO DEAF. That is all.

So. I work for an insurance office. I've only had the job a few months, and so I'm far from an expert on insurance in general; my job is generally to field phone calls to other people in the office who know what's going on. I also take payments and give basic auto quotes.

I've come to dread giving quotes. Not because it's difficult in itself; no, what I dread is the phone call that begins "I want a quote on some insurance," because nine times out of ten the person on the other end has no earthly idea what they want, and prying information out of them is like pulling teeth. For the love of God, people, if you ever call an insurance agency for a quote, take the time to acquire at least a vague notion of what you want before you ask someone to give you a price.

I am so, so sick of people who call my office and ask for a quote on insurance for such and such a car as though I have a chart in front of me and I can instantly rattle off a number right then.

My calls generally run something like this:
Caller: "I wanna get a quote on some car insurance."
Me: "What kind of car do you want to have quoted?"
This is where I'm supposed to input year, make, and model. Most callers generally leave out at least one of these, forcing me to prompt them until they tell me the rest of the information.
Then I have to figure out the age, gender, and marital status of the driver, which usually isn't too hard.
Then it gets tricky.
Me: "What kind of coverage do you want?"
Caller: "Full."
Me: "...Okay. How much liability coverage do you need?"
Caller: "...I dunno."
Insert thumbnail explanation of liability coverage: $x per person up to $x per accident for bodily injury and $x per accident for property damage.
Caller: "That sounds good."
Me: "Okay, but how much liability do you want?"
Caller: "...how much does it cost?"
Me: "I can't give you the price quote until you've chosen your coverages. Right now I'll put you down for our minimum, and if that's not enough we can go back and change it, okay?"
Caller: "Okay."
Me: "Do you want medical coverage?"
Lather, rinse, repeat ad nauseam, until I'm rolling my eyes and restraining the urge to channel funwithrage and snarl into the phone, "What do you want?"

I do not insist that everyone know everything about insurance. Hell, I don't understand some of it myself. But if these people are making me pick their coverages for them, how can they possibly be getting the coverage they actually need? If all you know about insurance is that you need some, go to an insurance office! Talk to an agent! Find out what the hell you need! Do not call me and make me try to figure out how to quote you!

Even worse are the people who call my office and do this to me at 4:57 in the afternoon, when our office closes at 5:00.

Like today.

Aaaaaargh.

If you call your column Critic's Corner, it would be advisable to actually
critique something instead of just telling me what's on TV.

I get pissy about USA Today and CNN.com content when it's all I can browse.